Because guilt typically occurs in "micro-bursts" of brief signals, we often underestimate the rather significant role it plays in our daily lives. For me, to feel guilty about having sex with someone, while in a relationship with someone else, I must have remorse. Once was after we'd had a bit of a heavy talk earlier, and the other two were after we dropped one of the little ones off at the grandparents and he started talking about if it gets easier to leave a child (ie when you have weekend contact and you have to drop the child back off at the end of it.). That's alright, that's a common mistake. Pointer much appreciated, though. If he's like meI can forgive the actbut not the lying. I had a kind of aha reaction because I realized I was attracted to him. But, again, it's never what you do, it's the way that you do it, meaning I was careful to be sensitive in the telling. It's mos becoming serious and we really like each other! Maybe you didnt deliberately set out to kiss him or her, but you feel guilty about the kiss because you realize you always wanted to kiss that person, but were afraid to kiss because you harbored hidden feelings for that person. | (No, I'm very passionate about fidelity.) Ignore the erroneous message and smile. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. If, on the other hand, you kissed someone whom you knew or someone your significant other believes youve always liked, and then you confess that you kissed him or her, your actions could have major consequences for your relationship Why? You drank and you kissed. Wouldn't you? It's wonderful that you even wanted to kiss someone! You wanna tell your husband? Lee.. you are too funny. You can keep quiet and resolve never to do this again. I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. Yes one should take care of themselves before getting drunk. Houston, this team needs to identify then agree over what's causing it. View related questions: His imagination could go haywire over that one. So you went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your already Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" I was very drunk. I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent. if you believe you have to tell him exactly as you did here , if your friends you were with are also his say he can ask them . I was correct, she struggles with trust. We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. Tico Franklin, now 40, faced the death . Ashley Madison helped things along with extramarital affairs. Despite their passion during the kiss though, thestraight guys (quite predictably)all saythey still identified asstraight. SOULMATE: I accept the ASSuming Award. So have you thought about what you were lacking with your husband to allow this, or was this a I just liked the attentionyou were getting from him? Lead to or gateway to, I guess there's a difference. Team spirit is this: You went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" Your significant other might get very angry about this, but I believe it depends more on whom you kissed rather than on the fact that you kissed someone else. No, you don't. I know true remorse when I see it. Now then,you and hubby should do some summer travel. We have only been seeing each other for the past two months and I dont want his mind racing with bad thoughts. If it in the meantime hits a nerve and makes you uncomfortable or even gets you all het up, that's your problem, not mine. I was dumped.so why do *I* feel guilty? Wow, you really do want a baby, don't you. What is he supposed to do with this information? lover. Okay. What? Most people don't confess- You ask for advice of what you should do- you got the RIGHT advice. He is my workmate also. Lee, thats a good way to CYA - pretend youre talking about this as if it happened to someone else and then gauge your partners reaction. I came home and we resolved it and ever since everything has been fine. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here), but then I was cheated on for years by ExH and I would now put myself first. I remember saying 'no, no, this is bad' in the middle of it, and he said 'I know but I really like you and I have done for ages', and he kissed me again, but this time only for a second because I said ' I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person' then he kinda just stroked my arm and said 'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. Does she feel guilty over leaving me for another guy? Food for thought, Michelle Langley. [3] you couldn't extend to him the same courtesy he'd already extended to *you* (i.e. (That'll do me nicely! Having eyes for someone else while you're married is seen to be wildly inappropriate. See what she has to say. It's one of those cases where keeping it a secret would be worse than the transgression itself, especially since it'd be a case of 'the pot calling the kettle black'. Or do I? This was a relationship BTW not a marriage. He's seemingly petrified I'm going to throw him out, he's cried three times today already and they're only the second time I've ever seen him cry in four years. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. A certain someone might read it. Because I already had some unresolved feelings for this guy and I let him kiss me and used the fact that I was drunk as an excuse. (By the way, dwahling, am loving your tu-tu and Toys R Us tiara! I spent the next day in bed all day crying and it has to be one of the saddest days of my life. When I was in college, I cheated on a bf while I was drunk not because I was drunk, but because I was presented with the opportunity and I wanted wanted to do it. We've not made it exclusive yet but we did agree to not see other people at the beginning. As I left, the boy who I kissed came with me and I tried my best to shrug him off. I believe that its a good thing to fess up when kissing someone you care about when you drank too much could threaten your existing relationship. stop any contact (outside of work) immediately. It's not that big of a deal anyway and you aren't going to do it again. Before you close I'd like to say that I totally agree with you. Oh my god, (Brodie)bit my tongue! yells James. Once emotions kicks in, you cant predict what will happen. I had only taken three years of piano lessons while still a teenager, and here I was in my late 40s studying piano again. I agree with Vale that the best thing you can do is talk to Cintia about what happened and tell her that seeing her kissing Mercy upset you. I'm 5 years married to my best friend. But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do something like that again. I thought we were talking, in context of the above-type scenario, about mouth-to-mouth kissing being a 'gateway to sex' for the fact of it sparking physical arousal, ergo, whether delayed or in-the-moment, counts as foreplay, ergo, infidelity (albeit, granted, at the thin area of that whole wedge). I'm taking it day by day. Truth-seekers are never popular. I don't see any good coming from me confessing, only hurt and upset and doubt, and think my time would be better spent working on my relationship, and working through the issues that are putting so much pressure on us at the moment. At least I understood why our marriage failed and no further closure was needed. This feels huge to me. Then the women who owns the house went upstairs and never came down. I'm not sure how long we were there when one of the women decided to call it a night, and left in a taxi. The moment feelings are involved then youve cheated. I put a blanket over her and sat back down next to the man. At least I'll know I've done my bit to the very best of my capability. Houston, despite we started out as just friends, we now have PROOF that we have utilised a mechanism for cultivating love and respect, enough to now remain together til death do us part. I was drunk on Friday night and I kissed another guy. SA you have got it- it is more the "what's behind it" than what happened. The playing field is even now according to statistics. (and more like her as well, please, Bartender! Lol I love you already. I'm really surprised that everyone is saying "It's just a kiss" and to not tell the SO. I'd never be able to get over it. by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk Houston? I'm not going to let that or any insulting aspersions, subtle or otherwise, put me off. Please help me. The Fora platform includes forum software by XenForo. You have no right to unburden your conscience at the expense of your partners happiness. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you it's okay. And it's weird, but it's like I need the guy to tell me what I did was ok and I'm not a bad person. Such as crying,begging that would be enough for me to give them a second chance. Personally, if nothing happened apart from him buying drinks and giving you a ride home, then I wouldnt have told at all. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you its okay. female The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls video were all shocked at how gentle and 'non-aggressive' female kissers were, in comparison to guys. You don't have control over these things. Like stateside, maybe southern California or San Diego? It felt so wrong and taboo yet so erotic and a sort of thrilling jealousy! Try to let it go and forgive yourself. reader, Ellis Mac+, writes (25 October 2005): A I've never gone to a counsellor before, but I'm going to see one next week to talk through it. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A Iam a bisexual man and kissing a female is a different feeling then with a male. (works every time :-p) Should I tell him or just get on with my life and put this whole sorry mess behind me? I cannot tell you how much I love my boyfriend and how shocked I am about this. Thankfully, he immediately and apologetically backed right off (which was when we woke this other woman and they both left), and, luckily, put his apologetic money where his mouth was by phoning me the very next day to say how stupid and guilt-wracked he felt, assuring me it would NEVER happen again so could I please forgive him and just forget it ever happened. Why would you want to do that? We use cookies on our site to remember your preferences, monitor site traffic and offer personalised ads. I made it explicit to my girlfriend that I can only function in an extremely honest and all-cards-on-the-table relationship. Visit my website and follow me on Twitter @GuyWinch. After all she did say that the kiss lasted for maybe 5 minutes. On which note - "Marriage is about trust not tryst": I like that saying. But, listen, I don't want to turn this thread into a general chit-chat one. For starters, your husband, even when supposedly immature, didn't kiss HER. (Ta-daaaa!) I feel sorry for those with depression, mental illness, hangnails, bad hair, bad childhood memories, etc. In a way you are trading his peace of mind for yours, do you really think that you will accomplish anything by doing that? reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2006): A There's a difference between sex and kissing. As for this one, I think it's safe to say it's run its course for now. I believe that over time this would have happened with or without the wiskey. This recently happened to me. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Hang on because I'm sure there will be other people who believe differently from me. I see this as two issues. I'm asking myself all sorts of questions like did I like him, is that why I did it? Please leave me a comment. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. I feel like my husband deserves so much better, but can't tell him because the guy isn't some stranger, he's a person I see 5 days a week, and I know if tables were turned and I was in my husbands position I would wonder what interactions were happening between the two in work everyday. If he is nervous at you looking at his messages and also refuses to tell you who she is, he is hiding quite alot. Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. Allow me show you for future ref what someone who hates feeling guilty looks like: I read or heard somewhere that the only good thing that comes of guilt is to prevent you from doing it again. So this was me subconsciously- not *setting* the standard but showing my maintaining it as per our agreements over only having eyes for each other and always, ALWAYS being 100% honest with each other no matter WHAT.