14. But if someone says this to you, without further explanation, then it means that you are not a priority to them, they have other things that they are doing. She says "Good boy. Im glad I found this interesting discussion, as I just had a man I am seeing state I am proud of you and it made me feel great, yet at the same time realized that it can come from a position of higher power so I needed to contemplate the relationship. My boys are all each others fan club and its marvelous. "I know how you feel". Reading the Parent Effectiveness Training book, or attending a PET course, will help develop positive and respectful parent-child relationships, and explore alternatives to praise. With teens and adults, saying "I'm proud of you" is a bit different. "Always work hard, be honest, and be proud of who you are.". I am trying very, very hard not to implode. And thats enough for me. Its just a colloquialism for way to go or awesome sauce or good for you! No one means to be condescending or imply they got you there in some way. He's proud of you. So thank you, mom and dad! Like Im only worth anything just because Im making money? 2. Ive had multiple people tell me theyre proud of me like my parents, grandparents, elders but it just doesnt mean anything to me, I dont have any emotional response from any of them and my response ends up being ok or yup. Larissa's writing has been published in Huffington Post Australia, Early Childhood Australia's blog 'The Spoke'; Her Canberra, Gordon Training International blog, and Generation Next blog. I think its about the underlying meaning of these words to a child. I dont think there is a neutral position. February 18, 2023 There are people who interpret life as if it were all about a fight of egos. Words have power and they can have a profound effect on us. Proverbs 29:23 A person's pride will humble him, but a humble spirit will gain honor. Consider why you so are grateful for this thing or person. Thats the response I was expecting from you. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means they're happy to see you grow up the way they raised you. The important piece is if they are genuine in their caring (and have been consistent, contrary to the parent that was never there but then feels pride). But worse, my friend thanked them. To say you're proud of someone is to say that you can relate to them and, if in their shoes, you would be proud of the accomplishment. And, that nearest person could be your parents, partner, or friends. The parent might have paid a lot of money, or given up time, to coach and practice tennis with their winning child. But what exactly does this phrase mean and how should you respond to it? 2. I wanted to know whether or not I was overreacting.He had no hand in my achievements and since he was the one who caused me those problems, I feel he has lost every right to use that phrase with me. Family Tree. And black adults (57%) are more likely than whites (43%) or Hispanics (42%) to know someone who falls into . This expression is much more self-focused, i.e. So, the next time someone says Im proud of you, remember to take the time to think about how you want to respond. People Who Say These 5 Words Have Very Low Emotional Intelligence. "You make me so mad.". 6. Think of things people have often praised. I have never regarded the word pride as implying that the one feeling it is somehow responsible for it. Before you bring your GF home, know- How to tell your parents that you have a girlfriend, now. I still think she was doing this at the time. Pause, take a deep breath, and remember who you really are. Looking for some extra money from your parents? Want to Change the Way you React to Your Children? The other three sound as if you're saying you're proud of yourself too. So we arranged to have her drive to the hotel where I was staying and we drove there together. PJ. And guess what? You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. Achieving your goals will help you stay motivated, inspire you to set and achieve more, and increase confidence. I believe many people do not understand and appreciate the expression Im proud FOR you. The Next Giant Leap. Thats why we feel pride in our childrens accomplishments. Set realistic goals. 12. We love all of our readers and we want to you to know how much youre appreciated! But, its important to remember that responding to Im proud of you with gratitude can help to boost your confidence and will help you to overcome your self-doubt. As in, he's purely attracted to your appearance. I dislike the phrase entirely, regardless of how we are involved in the individuals life: parent, teacher, mentor, etc. The words I am so proud of you sum up those sentiments. With the best of intentions, we want to let our children know of our pride in them. Because this was someone elses idea. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Whoever those people are, they are probably your mentors. Ive told you that, youre going to feel proud of me. Home / How Do I Respond To Im proud of you? Consequently I now cringe every time I hear the term being used out of context . Its my feeling that I should only express pride in something Ive accomplished. 26. These two simple words"I care"can mean so much to a person who may be feeling like the entire world is against them. Try The Behaviour Window. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Thanks, buddy! Hosted by Pressable. Sure, they get angry with one another, as do all brothers, but they forgive and move on. I was very irritated and angry. He loves to share his unique perspectives and ways to make everyday conversations a bit 'lively'. Get your facts straight. Even if it's true, he says, "I don't want to think that I was walking around for a long time looking like hell.". If you get a new job, get a participants medal for a 10K or do anything deemed worthwhile, friends, family and acquaintances will say they are so proud of you!!!. Grandparents And Grandchildren: Observations From A Parent In-Between. Initially this sit didnt sit well with me. . I wasnt happy with this performance. A 2017 analysis of 2012 national data from the US, showed that parent behaviour could have a protective role in a their child's mental health. Talents Compliments. After all, you were the one who put the effort into writing the report you did the research, you put the paper together. They know I mean: I am so impressed by what you did, and proud to be able to call myself your mother. If I said this to a friend it would mean the same thing. She continually updates her course with new examples and relevant material from the latest research. I realized that I needed to open myself up to friends and partners as well. Sometimes a simple change of scenery might help you to stop thinking negative thoughts. I feel virtually murderous towards them. 15. It may not display this or other websites correctly. From that day on, I felt like I couldnt really trust him, and now I know why. I had a lot of this type of treatment in that small community. At the same time, the paper stated that "a key is to ensure that children feel positively connected to their parents and family," and that parents needed to demonstrate to their children that "they cared about them", that they "had their back". You might say: "I'm so proud of you for trying to quit smoking. However Simon Cowell for instance often says he is proud of a contestant he has never met before. I can point them out to my friends and say, Those are my sons!. She texted back that I make her smile and that shes proud of me. Specialized in marketing, with 'communication' as a favorite subject, Ketan P. is a head writer at 'Better Responses'. So you better know in which tone theyre saying so. Praise such as this is a subject on its own much research and many, many books have been written on the negative aspects of praise. Anyone could tell how proud he is to be with you by the giant grin that's plastered on his face when you two are together. While "sb is proud of him" can express positive meaning. They may start to see their parent as being insincere, or even manipulative. I felt great to know he as proud of me, especially after he had read my term report cards in high school. I'm so proud of your painting!" 8. Approval is a parent's judgement of a child's choices - and to a child, this feels like a judgement of them as a person. When someone knows that you are not only proud, but you are inspired and amazed, it will be an even better compliment. Posted articles do not constitute advice or recommendations. There are alternatives to praise and saying "Im proud of you", and they include: I consciously have to stop myself from saying "Im proud of you". 8. ), Partner: "I'm proud of you for landing that job", While you might understand that your partner is being supportive, might you also feel a bit miffed? Well, thats what we are going to share in this post. This mindset will help you achieve your goals, too. Children whose parents constantly say "I'm proud of you" may grow to be adults who rely on other people's opinion of them for validation. Your email address will not be published. Here are some examples of what you shouldn't say to someone on their sober anniversary. 12. For what? 0. But only emotionally intelligent people understand why. How come you didnt come to watch this match? "I'm so proud of you" In this sentence, "proud" being translated to is absolutely right, and is also OK. Children who are continually praised, or told "Im proud of you" may not believe their parent. 2. that he harrassed them or . Prior to going back, I asked if shed be going to the homecoming tailgate and football game. Facebook: Please join us on our Facebook page for a mix of articles on children and parenting. 1. Glad that I keep our family tradition alive. It is arrogant. In this research, children of parents who never said "I'm proud of you" were significantly more likely to contemplate, plan or attempt suicide. What are we trying to say or do, when we innocently, and with the best of intentions, praise our children with "Im proud of you"? I was very annoyed with her (mainly due to her attitude) and balled her out at the til. No. July 7, 2020 April 21, 2018 2. Im so glad to hear that. Can't you do something different?" Someone who credibly says "I'm proud of you" usually has two characteristics. To reply to that right, here are the better and funny responses to I am proud of you from your bestie. To be sure, "I'm really proud of you buddy" can sometimes occur between friends. You could also feel patronised. Id opt for saying, Im happy for you. (I'd prefer "Wow, that must have taken some thought and courage! When someone says "I'm proud of you", they are expressing their admiration and respect for you - and that can be a powerful thing. So happy for us! You shouldnt be. PJ, I will give my thoughts on your post at the end of my post. Believe me when I tell you that it is not meant so kindly elsewhere. But is that really very useful? Luke 18:9-14 ESV / 5 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful Truly grateful to have such a loving family. I knew it, if no one was going to like this. Kids also like to know that they invoke parental prideas long as it genuine! . Because we ran into a bunch of other classmates that were also there, we didnt spend time exclusively with each other but we did sit together at the game. Most of the time, having pride about someone else comes from a place of superiority. I admire your ability to ___________. Gun owners are more likely than non-gun owners to know someone who has been shot (51% vs. 40% of non-owners). Better than nothing, Neil, but its sad, Mr. Rogers had to do what parents ought to be doing. I thought to myself, who is she to be proud of me? Bless me that I keep doing bigger things than this. Hearing those words can make us feel seen, understood, and appreciated. First, is there anything more emotionally potent than someone you really care about and admire telling you, Im proud of you?, It feels like I can name many movies where this serves as the emotional climax. Youre the first person who is happy with it. This canstop the development of their own, "You look really pleased with your effort". This is 20 years ago, and I still remember this moment. It remains condescending and arrogant. 2014, 2016, 2019. When someone tells you that they are proud of you, not only are they impressed by something you did and who you are, but they also want others to know it. Lets look at some examples (followed by some suggested alternatives) adult first, then child, to help illustrate this point: Manager: "Im proud of the report youve written". I just graduated with my degree in hospitality." "Oh, a future barista," says the other guest, swirling his drink. Thank you, mom and dad, youre the reason for this. the person who says that is actually talking about themselves, not about me, and by saying that is drawing the recognition away from me towards themselves. Didnt your manager think you were capable of putting such a report together? I drove home and when I got home I texted her that I had arrived home safely. But this seems less common. 9. She was very rude and grouchy with me and reluctantly corrected her errors after I asked the manager to get involved. Thank you for your kind words.. We had a really nice time. I cannot tell you how happy I am, for her, to witness her achievement and how much I admire her tenacity in overcoming all she has. My native language is not English, but I have fallen into the unfortunate (for somethings) of social netwoks, like facebook. Maybe some people act in a way that makes you upset they're doing that on behalf of your country, but you just remember that's not the reason you're proud to be from where you are. If you're an ex-smoker, you can draw from your own experience of quitting. A: It's not necessarily wrong to take pride in our work, of course; if we don't, our work will probably end up sloppy or incomplete. The only people there who went to university were the pharmacist, the physician/surgeon, lab technologist, x-ray technician and the like, as well as the school teachers. Her future mother-in-law (my friend) told me later she was proud of me. They didn't have to do that. . Now whether its romantic or a deep friendship is a different question. My ex just said the same thing to me yesterday and it just didnt sound right to me. Here I would say something like, Youre so talented!/Thats brilliant! 4. 5. When my parents tell me that they are proud of me, I generally take it to mean that they recognize something I have done on my own merit as being worthy of praise. I'll help with whatever you need to make it . Sometimes people use it to appropriate the achievements of others, which is a sad and awful thing. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude is also a great way to show appreciation to others. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre showing that you value the words of the person expressing their admiration and respect for you. An acquaintance commented on a recent Facebook post I made that he was proud of me and immediately I felt so mad about that but couldnt figure out why. (My answer might surprise you. 3. 10. A person receiving this praise could also feel belittled it could feel as though their achievement was unexpected - a surprise to the other person. In this blog, well take a look at Im proud of you and how to respond to it in a meaningful way. The most important thing is to show your appreciation and gratitude for their words. In most situation expresses negative connotations, such as "He is very ", which means he is over proud of himself (). Then there's emotional attraction. "How I do love you!" 11. Focus on this thing or person for a few minutes to get yourself into a more positive mindset. 2. Be proud that you are here. Which brings me to my next point. He remembers things that you tell him. And why should I stop using this phrase? Imperfect, striving, playful, loving, learning. Marilyn, My life changed the day I heard Mr. Rogers tell me he liked me just the way I was. I wouldn't trade your friendship for anything in the world. And as it was your friends achievement, oughtnt she be the one who feels proud? 1. 24. Refresher workshop for P.E.T. Well done!. But who are you to affirm? The effect of this praise might be opposite to the aim of the parent. Thank you so much. . It's a way of congratulating someone for having accomplished something impressive. 3. Benjamin Franklin Positive, Forgiveness, Respect 985 Copy quote Be proud of you." - Oprah Winfrey 3. I was an ambitious student with a goal to attend university, which my father completely supported. Paul urged his young companion Timothy to be "a worker who does not need to be ashamed" (2 Timothy 2:15). Friend: "At least you have a job or daughter.". Move away from the source of your negative thoughts. They may find it difficult to take pride in who they are and what they have achieved. Someone who credibly says "I'm proud of you" usually has two characteristics. The rest were manual labourers. Yea, Thank you is not the only response. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? The next morning, I woke up to an email in my inbox that was one line: "I'm really proud of you." . Dear! It means that in their eyes you have come a long way from a place you began. You will even fall in love with me again seeing the next surprise! ie you have brought them up as parents and are proud of them for their achievements or manners etc. One of the wives of these manual labourers had befriended me in church and was an older woman. Id have fallen over from shock if I ever heard it from anyone in my family (& still would!). Thanks. I believe you. Setting goals you can achieve, also called "realist goals," reduces the chance of frustration or doubting yourself or your abilities. And John is left feeling confused and despondent. The Psychology of Bragging. Well, in that case, you should be proud of yourself, too. Anyone who overthinks any form of compliments or think's that there are hidden agendas or people are not being completely honest about what they say, should take a step back and ask themselves why they are thinking those thoughts, personally i believe it's more about them and not what is being said about the phrase. However, is this what happens? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); All Rights Reserved. What if you really are proud of the person? When somebody says that you are wrong: "You are entitled to your incorrect opinion." To each his own. Exactly the information I was looking for thank you! I grew up being complimented for my looks . It seems to me that the authors of the study used the phrase 'I'm proud of you' as a catch-all measurement, to reflect a parent's emotional connection with, and support, for, their child - and that it was this emotional involvement that provided protection against suicidal ideation. The Mindset of the Ambitious Educational Elite, Thinking Clearly about a Persons Substance Amidst Stylistic Differences, On Intentionally Vague, Mystique-Infused Explanations of Talent, Book Notes: Lost & Found by Kathryn Shulz, Mindfulness of Consciousness Meditation Retreat. Make sure to take the time to think about how you want to respond. A Macquarie Dictionary definition of proud is: feeling pleasure or satisfaction over something conceived as highly honourable or creditable to oneself. How Do I Tell Him I Like Him The Best Method (Proven), What Does It Mean When She Calls You Daddy, Im so glad that youre proud of me. Now, John may hear "I'm disappointed that this is the same picture. 16. But, what would be the better ways to respond to I am proud of you other than just saying thank you. Here subject and object are the same person. About 5 years ago, an ex college girlfriend and I began emailing each other occasionally (not often just once every 2-3 months or so). Basically, its an ambiguous expression. But, the real credit goes to you and you only! posted by aimedwander at 4:27 PM on May 17, 2015 . Linda Adams, in her book Be Your Best, quotes Charleszetta Waddles (African American activist): You cant give people pride, but you can provide the kind of understanding that makes people look to their inner strengths and find their own sense of pride. When someone says they are busy, it could mean that they are busy. He thinks you're absolutely wonderful and he's pumped to be in a relationship with you; it's written all over his face. This is when his feelings go deeper than the surface, and he genuinely cares about you as a person. And Ill encourage them to be proud. I also told her I had a great time & that she picks up my spirits. I teach high school. It says, I love you so much that YOUR accomplishment can make ME feel pride. Its very presumptuous. Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool that can help to encourage and motivate people. Thanks. When I tell my kids Im proud they are surprised and pleased. She is an accredited and highly experienced P.E.T. thats a case of someone doing one-upmanship. I almost never tell anyone Im proud of them, for exactly this reason. "If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties-someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is . It makes sense for a mentor or parent to say this, or a friend or other who served in some coaching role. The phrase "Im proud of you" insinuates that the speaker (parent, teacher, co-worker, boss) has more experience, or power, or in some manner has the right to pronounce their opinion, on someone elses effort. Most times, people use "I am busy" as a tool for avoidance. What is BBC Future? Praise does not help bring up children who have an internal belief in themselves, of self-worth. Thats my life goal. You had nothing whatsoever to do with any of this you pond-bottom suckers.. If there is a mentor relationship, fine, but when the relationship is supposed to be about equals, I have never said to my children, I am proud of you. My reason is that thry are responsile for their successes and I shoudnt take any credit for it. Later, I saw her in a restaurant and apologized for balling her out in public. stories on the Parent Skills website are posted only as opinion or ideas, and are general in nature. Most of the time, having pride about someone else comes from a place of superiority. But arguing about what words mean is pointless- meanings vary. Image used under license from Shutterstock, research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you", protective role in a their child's mental health, Should Children And Parents Be Friends? Its obviously a powerful word. How might you feel as the worker? Youre my friend, not my parents! However, the other expression Im really happy for you is so overused that it immediately rings the bell of insincerity. JavaScript is disabled. If Your Partner Ever Says These 20 Things, You Should Break Up. My former partner just recently told me that he was proud of me after major accomplishment. A Summer Like No Other - Bushfires, Fear, Famly, Hope and Change, Preparing To Say Goodbye Even As I Hug Hello, When I Realised That Being A Parent To An Adult Is Different To Being A Parent Of A Child, Setting Limits Sets Limits On Children Learning to Discipline Themselves, Learning to Take The Back Seat As A Parent, As My Child Moves To Adulthood, Am I Treasuring The Moments? Our children need to know that we believe in them, that we trust them, that we support them, that we love them, that we acknowledge them as individuals separate from us. The Proud Boys . One might consider that the mature thing to do, or the business savvy thing to do, but she has had nothing to do with them for years, because they are arrogant and condescending. By Ben Collins and Brandy Zadrozny. 11. 13. Since first publishing this piece, I've spent many years thinking about, and discussing, why children might like to hear their parents say "I'm proud of you". Why are you taking the credit for my effort? (I'd prefer "Congratulations! Lets see where we can go with this. by Carolyn Steber. Also, I really like the litmus test of how you would feel on the receiving end. You should always be proud of who you are imo, and if that includes your nationality then that's fine. 2. Instead of these phrases, focus on how proud you are of the person. On the one hand, you're thinking, "He says I'm amazing," and you know he's not wrong. 1. Happy I did it, finally! In fact, whenever I hear this phrase from a colleague, I immediately understand that this person in reality is envious of my achievements and the phrase Im really happy for you in fact means Im very unhappy that its not my achievement, that you and not me is getting the praise/ promotion/ degree/ lottery win, I hate you for that and I wish I was in your place right now.